Relationship Reflection

L: Ashley | Right: Me

This is a picture of me with my younger sister, Ashley. Ashley is seven years younger than me and is technically my half-sister. We share the same mother, but Ashley was raised by her father and I was raised by my grandmother. Being the older sister, and our mom being absent from our lives, I've spent most of my life playing the dual role of sister and substitute mother to her.

Our relationship is important to me because she has always been my very best friend. She moved several states away at the age of twelve, but our bond has never suffered. We talk daily and visit each other twice a year. With so much instability in our lives, our relationship was the one thing we could always count on. I have worked hard to set a good example for her in life and I am proud to say that she is a successful young adult. 

We've faced some challenges due to distant and religious beliefs (I am a Christian and she is agnostic). However, we have worked hard to respect our differences and always put in the effort to stay connected. I think this respect and support is a special characteristic that has helped our partnership. She helps me reflect on the differences people have and how to maintain a harmonious relationship when your views are not aligned.

The Fishers

This is a picture of my husband and me at our wedding last year. This is the second marriage for both of us. This relationship is important to me because my husband keeps me grounded and reins my wacky antics in. We are both very motivated individuals and focus a lot on work. This is probably because we are both Capricorns, sharing the same exact birthday (same month, day, and year). Hard work and success mean a lot to us, and we're both very independent. Having these things in common prevents us from feeling neglected at times. We set goals and then work together to complete them, but we also enjoy our own separate projects. We're definitely a team.

One challenge we face is spending quality time together. It's very rare that he's not working, whether it's related to his career or a new project around the house (he's currently trying to build us a swimming pool completely by himself). I have fibromyalgia, so when I'm not working, I try to rest as much as possible. This can lead to minor spats regarding him working too hard or me not working hard enough. When that happens, we try to make time for each other. He'll go see a movie with me or I will help him out with a project around the house. Respecting those different needs has been really crucial to our partnership.

Bonus mom!

This is a picture of me with my stepdaughter, Elizabeth. E was four years-old when I met her father. She lived with her mother, so I only saw her every other weekend in the beginning. We've always had a terrific relationship. When E was six years-old, we were granted emergency custody (and later full custody) due to some problems her mother was going through. Those problems are ongoing and we still have custody of E two years later. I went from an every other weekend stepmom to a full-time mom overnight. As someone who never wanted to have kids (I'd already helped to raise my sister), it was a big change to my world. I realized that E needed a mom just as much as I had needed as a kid, so I became determined to give her all of the love and care I missed out on.

The only example of a mother that she has was someone battling addiction, changing boyfriends often, and refusing to work, relying on men or her parents to financially support her. I try to be an opposite example for E. I show her the value of hard work and provide the stability that she so desperately needed in life. She knows that her home always has her father and me, we don't move around, and she always goes to the same school (she'd previously gone to three schools for 1st grade). She motivates me to provide this stability and to show her a different way of living life as an adult. I hope that it inspires her to make good decisions and to be successful once she grows up.

The only challenge I've really faced here is from her mother. She is very angry over our relationship, but I know that comes from the sadness over seeing her daughter thrive since coming to live with us. I can't focus on what her mom thinks or does, so I tune her out and focus on what's best for my family. This keeps my partnership with E strong and stable. 

My experiences in these relationships show me how important it is to work hard and model positive behavior. I try to focus on the positives in life and seek to overcome the challenges placed in my path. I think these relationships help me be an effective early childhood professional because I feel pushed to lead, to provide consistency, and to help others.